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.​.​. my toast

by Stubbed

/
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1.
I could never leave, and I could never stay. We’ll never work it out. Walk away, walk away. I don’t want to hear it, and I’ve just gotta say, Any other time is fine, not today, not today. They showed us this, but we don’t believe in that. Just another number but I never got the math. If you add up all the blessings, the well wishes and good lucks, Make sure you subtract the I don’t give a fucks. I’ve been around the block. You’ve never left your home. Home is in the heart, so I was told years ago. We gave it all we had. You hardly even tried. Let’s just be better, better than the last time.
2.
It’s true. I’m so in love with you. Laying in the park, Staring up at the stars. I fell for you, I fell so hard. I can’t find a fault. I’m going to fall apart. One for the hand, three for the heart.
3.
Summer 2oh13 02:38
Wind, water and sand. I’m singing songs and feeding the peeps again. Trees, towns and land. Mowing the lawn and golfing when I can. Hey could you drive me home tonight? I could just sleep right here. Door crashers are lining up, and I’m still full of beer. It’s late, I’m at John and Jane, I heard that’s what the plan is. Stumble downstairs, lose the shoes and call it pajamas. I can’t wait until tomorrow, we can do it all again. Summer 2oh13 tell all your friends. If it’s nice outside and you’re feeling alright let’s dance. It’s late, I’m at John and Jane, I heard that’s what the plan is. On my way into work I’ll grab some bananas. I can’t wait until tomorrow, we can do it all again. Wind, water and sand. Meet at the gazebo. Trees, towns and land. Bring all the people. Campfires and friends. Maybe at the beach though.
4.
Yesterday 02:30
What's the deal with yesterday, they never seem to go away, Those memories never fade, And what's the deal with my girlfriend these days, She seems to be afraid, she never used to be afraid, of yesterday And what's the deal with the fugs these days, They just get louder and louder they never fade, they never go away, And what's the deal with the shit inside my brain, It never fades, it never goes away, it always stays, I'll never escape this pain One of these days, I'm gonna run away, One of these days I'm gonna fade, Hey! One of these days I'll get rid of yesterday One of these days I'll get rid of yesterday I'm gonna make it fade away And what's the deal with my old man these days, He never wants to hang out with me, he never wants to have a drink with me He says he quit 20 years ago, or something like that but it never shows, And still he keeps on getting old So what's the deal with my brain And what's the deal with yesterday I'm gonna get rid of yesterday I'm gonna make it fade away
5.
Turn It Up 02:20
Going for a walk, turn it up. I can never get it loud enough. Checking the dials, turning it up all the time, I can never get it loud enough. The road to life can be tough. But I’ve got music in my truck. When shit’s knocking me down all the sounds will pick me up. I’ll never get it loud enough. Don’t think I’ll ever get enough. Turn it up, turn it up. Going for a drive, I’ll pick you up. I’ll bring the wheels, you bring the love. Check in the mirror, I see her smile sorta so, This could be more than just a crush. These sounds are something that I love. If you’ve got some Vapid turn it up. When I’m too weak to smile or tap my toe or sing at all, Still hoping you will turn it up. Don’t think I’ll ever get enough. Turn it up, turn it up. These sounds are something that I love.
6.
I see birds of prey, rats and mice. Can’t figure out what I’m doing out tonight. It’s the sickest, saddest setting around, I know. Cheap shoes, the booze, and down we go. The rumour’s spread, the status said, “don’t come around, we’ll pretend you died”. But a note on the side where the writer writes says, “I remember you, and all those times”. Bummed out chumps, worn looks. Everybody’s reading someone else’s books. Worn out chumps, bummed looks. Everybody’s writing someone else’s books. I’ve been high and low, but high the most. Lesson learned, if it’s not your turn. Like a foul ball or hitting the post, we had it, almost. Now I’m doing stops and starts inside my heart. The goal is love and the puck is art. It’s not enough to sit and sulk about the old days. Look back, learn, smile, nod, wave. All your time you’ve been spending is with drunk folks. It’s like you’re putting hockey cards in your life spokes. Talking way too much, and blowing smoke.
7.
My tuxedo t-shirt, it’s my favourite one. You’ll try to tell me that I really shouldn’t wear it, But I’ll probably have it on. At the movies, or just in the car. Some people are just what they are. It’s great for funerals, malls or at the bank. I really don’t give a fuck what you think. Cut off the sleeves, now we’re looking good. A tuxedo tattoo, maybe I should. Only on Fridays, or when I’m out with the guys? Ha! I’m sporting this shit 365. I’m here to tell you tux t’s could change your lives. This shirt could run off with your daughters and your wives. They keep on looking because they like what they see. But they know a shirt like this is way out of their league. Can it be sexy? You know there’s no doubt. A tuxedo t-shirt with the nipples cut out. It’s all I want for Christmas, birthdays too. You say you like tuxedos? Ooh have I got a shirt for you.
8.
I Waste Time 02:19
I waste time, try it again tomorrow. Out of cash, now to steal or beg or borrow. When I’m done that, I’ll be tired and hungry. I’ll eat food, then I’ll probably fall asleep. My mind and my genetic makeup, Allows me to sleep right through the sunshine. I’ve had as much as I can stand of this world, And my genetic makeup. Broke a string, buy a new one tomorrow. Out of cash, now to steal or beg or borrow. It’s a crying shame, had the mind but not the makeup. Another one down, that’s the first step to waking up on time. It’s getting all over us. It’s all over us.
9.
Fuck Pro 04:01
I'm here, to live life to it's fullest to the end And I think, I'll take my worries, lose 'em in my head Cos in the end it doesn't matter anymore if you were rich or you were poor Someday, I'll take this whole world, turn it upside down Cos I'm a man on a mission Was sent here, to fuck with the system Stick my nose where it doesn't belong, And laugh when you put me down and tell me I'm wrong Hey! I am, the head of production, ain't it great I'll be, the one that everybody loves to hate Cos I'm a loser, I'm an alky, I'm an asshole, but still I've got great taste Just follow my lead and everything will be alright, We'll all have fun, we'll all get stoned and stare into the sun so bright Cos I'm a man on a mission Was sent here, to fuck with the system Stick my nose where it doesn't belong, And laugh when you put me down and tell me I'm wrong You'll say that I haven't changed a bit from how I was And as I smile and walk away I'll say I told you that I could Don't doubt me anymore Cos I'm a man on a mission Was sent here, to fuck with the system Stick my nose where it doesn't belong, And laugh when you put me down and tell me I'm wrong Cos I'm a man on a mission Was sent here, to fuck prohibition Stick my nose where it doesn't belong, And laugh when you put me down and tell me I'm wrong
10.
Headphones 02:47
I got lost in it all, we all do it. I’ve got a lot to say, just can’t find words yet. Ditching old friends, I ain’t got an excuse. I said I was sorry to you. I’ve been making up shit then writing it down, Like I know what the fuck I’m talking about. I think I got a little bit lost in my cell and my headphones. I think I got a little bit lost in myself and my headphones. Just a little bit, I got a little bit lost in it all. It’s like a real bad movie. But knowing doesn’t make it stop. Deep couch, not moving. All locked up. I’m losing the will yeah, and I’m all out of hope. I’ve been thinking yup, but, I’ve been acting nope. You said a little, I said a lot. I thought about it on the way home. Been digging holes then filling them in, Pretending I’m aware of where I’m going and where I’ve been.
11.
Mom came home with a great big box, and a little envelope. She said, “hey, Happy Birthday kid. Here’s a brand new telescope.” I plugged it into the wall, but that’s not how they work at all. So I read a few books, set it just right, waited for dark and I looked at a light. How did Mom know, this one kicks ass. Everywhere I looked I was there in a flash. This is my favourite telescope, Although, this is my only telescope. I can go everywhere I look with my telescope.
12.
Cute Cops 02:25
Come in with your hands down, pick up that gun. We’ll call in backup for the other guys, to make this more fun. Kick down your door with no hesitation, We’re tying you up with no explanation, We’ll haul you off because of crazy accusations, Then cover you with kisses when we’re back at the station. Reverse raids everyday, we’ll arrest you. No charges get laid, we’ll molest you. Donut shops, sticky hands, charges dropped, like your pants. We’re cute cops, walking the beat, off duty. Relax we won’t hurt you, just let us inside. If you want to be cooperative undo your buddy’s fly. Pit maneuvers with no hesitation, We’re hauling you off with no explanation, I’ve got a plan, let’s rent Anal Nation, And make you watch it with us when we’re back at the station. Mustache rides all the time, we’ll arrest you. No charges get laid, we’ll molest you. Donut shop, sticky cuffs, drop’em chief, we finger butts. We’re cute cops, walking the beat, off duty. Who’s on beat off duty?
13.
Spontaneous combustion is something that I worry about. Laugh away, I won’t be the one up in flames. All the things I see at night I squeeze but in the morning they’re gone. Someone tried to tell me I was right, but in the end I proved them wrong. Life has little ways of telling us what we should do. Distractions fill the cup and we react to all of them too. Just shoot for feeling neutral all the time? Where is my mind? Right now, it’s hard to find. Outboard motor sale, he said, “I’ll be there in a pinch”. But on the way, I’m sorry to say, he lost it. You know, he’s getting older by the day. It’s one thing to be sure, it’s fuck all to be sure of what not to be sure of. How sure could I be when I’m sure there’s shit out there I’ve never even heard of? Too skeptical of everything to believe in anything. I forget who said it best but I think you know what I mean. Forever sitting on the fence of life. Just trying to never get too low or get too high. So now’s when I conclude with some insightful, crazy line. I’ll wrap the fucker up and then I’ll shout it out four times. And when you walk away, it’s all you think about for days. Whenever people ask, all that you can say, “these guys are great”.
14.
The first lie was the worst lie, it multiplied a million times. Like a tree it’s sticks and leaves, confusing us for centuries. Some expert this, some expert that, the expert who made you an expert’s a hack. Can’t believe what you hear or read, you can’t even believe what you think or you see. Yeah whatever man, shut up, You only know what you know because some dummy made it up. Yeah whatever man, fuck up, You’re only saying that shit because your buddy said it too. (You’re only saying that shit because you heard it on the news) He can lie and we can lie and all the lies will multiply. She can lie and they can lie until no one even knows what’s right. When it happens you can bet that you’ll regret the shit you’ve said, It’ll feel just like all that to all your family and your friends. Everyone will wonder what is real and who to trust, About anything and everyone, We’re fucked. The first lie was the worst lie, it broke the seal for all of time. Ideas and people built on that, now who knows what is fake or fact. Up is down, black is white, we’ve got people believing the day is the night. Google “what’s going on with this”, “we’re all fucked” is all it says.
15.
I can’t find the questions. Should I be looking? As far as I know, I will attempt my next breath. Answers are useless now. Anyone will do. As for your perfect image of success, life ends with death. I don’t want anything to do with what it takes. I don’t want to hear of credentials or my bad attitude. A lack of ambition has got me this far. What will I become? How could I evade? Chased from every corner, we back down, out of the way. Sometimes we all lose sight in life, it’s ok to close your eyes. Have a little faith in yourself, if nothing else you’ve gotta live your life.
16.
Another Day 03:17
Another day has torn through lanes of time, leaving yet more exhaust upon my mind. I feel as though I can’t be too scared yet. I feel about as scared as I could get. I don’t want to be the guy I was when I was younger. I don’t want to see the guy I’ll be when I’m older. Something had enough, it came and tapped me on the shoulder. I go to sleep and dream the end, get up, and do it again. Another sunrise, more time to take. Looking at all that we could make. I realize nothing seems that great. Watch another day drown in the lake. Another day.
17.
What is value? What is wrong? What is here? What is gone? What is right? Who’s to say? I’m thinking every fucken day of, What to say, What to do, How to feel like something new, When to stop and where to start. Why do I make this so hard? Who to trust, Who to screw, How to show it all to you, Why and where and what and how, Did we end up here right now? Just bury me. Dead or alive, just bury me.
18.
This is the friend song, and you can get into it. This is the friend song, it’s about you. This is the friend song, I wouldn’t read into it. This is a love song, it’s true. Not here to judge or tell you what you can and can’t do, And when I’m talking I’ll be telling you the truth dude. I spent a little time, wouldn’t call it wasted, Bumping around just finding where my place is. We all need a little time. So save your sorrys and your sorrows for somebody else, You can count on having me until we all go to hell. We’re all just doing what we can with what we’ve got. But it’s crappy and it’s sappy and you won’t want to hear it. You’ll think “why would anybody ever stick with those lyrics?” I’m just doing all I can with what I’ve got. Friends, friends, friends, friends, I’ll love you ‘til the very end. All the cheesy shit I said, I meant. Knocking over blue bins. Kick-punching the tall kid. The cave and all of that shit. Geen’s vinyl collection. The Wildwood connection. Johnny’s fucken basement.
19.
Sometimes dudes get busy. Our parents ask why we never call them back and we say, Sometimes dudes get busy. I’m trying to get much better at returning your calls.
20.
Dumbbell 03:21
I don’t know how, I don’t know when, I don’t know who, you don’t know me and I don’t know you. We can pretend, about all we know, your favourite show is on channel 13. We just get up to 12, what the hell, we’ll sit on the couch and talk to ourselves. You pick me up and then put me down, I’ll just stay here until you’re around. I’m a dumbbell, I’m doing good, gooder than well, if I could be better it’s hard to tell. I’m doing well, weller than good, gooder than bad, it’s all that I have. You are the best, bester than good, when you need picking up, I would if I could. I’m a dumbbell.

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These songs were recorded by Jared O'Rourke and Ryan Montgomery.
All recording was done in Jared's barn between January and March 2020.
All songs were written by Jared and/or Ryan with the exception of This Far, which was written by Byron Henderson.

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released January 23, 2020

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Sleepy Punk Recordings Bayfield, Ontario

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